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Where can I find Printable Jigsaw Puzzles for kids? They are ages 3-9

Download or buy online high resolution illustrations for kids? where can i download or buy online high resolution kids illustration images or posters about animation characters or other simple designs? I want using this images for kids jigsaw puzzle. Images resolution must be at least 300 dpi.

which are the best jigsaw puzzles and toys for 5 year olds? Can any parent recommend some time tested puzzle that their kids have used and enjoyed and are suitable for 5 year old? also can anyone recommend good educational toys for kindergärtner or 5 yr old girl? I know there are plenty of websites but its so confusing and i have a common problem as many, my child looses interest very soon, so a good recommendation will help. thanks.

Where can I buy a world map jigsaw puzzle? Just like what the kid was playing on in the movie Mercury Rising? I am looking for the blue world map. Mostly I could search in the net are the ancient world map.

where can I find jigsaw puzzles to print about human body.? It has to be simple. its for kids

Jigsaw puzzle where you put several puzzles together for one image? When I was a kid, I remember putting together puzzles at my Grandma's house during the late 80's to the early 90's. I recall completing two or three separate puzzles, and then being able to remove the border pieces and clip them together, to form a larger picture. I don't remember what the picture was for sure; for some reason I think it may have been some kind of epic battle scene with each puzzle contributing more of the action. But it's been too long and my mind is like a steel trap; rusty and closed. I think it was something like a 200 or 300 piece puzzle; but again I can't say for sure. Anyone have any idea what I'm talking about? Do you know if I could get those puzzles today? Or are there any other puzzle designs where you complete puzzles independently and then clip them together for the 'bigger picture'?

Is a 15-month-old too young for little puzzles? I'm thinking of the jigsaw puzzles with about 6 big pieces. Are they usually for kids a little older, or is she at a good age for them now? Thanks to everyone. There are so many great answers that it'll be hard to pick just one! I hadn't even thought of the little wooden puzzles! I'll be getting her one asap! :D

where can i buy jigsaw puzzles... what store? I'm trying to find a store that carries puzzles. I know may kboys or toysrus may have them but theyll have the kid ones. i want something that i can be suitable for an adult. Online sites are available but i need one within a day or two and i dont know what kind of store may carry them near me. Any idea anyone? I live in the new york city area. need help.. thanks

Toy suggestions for a toddler that loves puzzles? My 2 year old absolutely loves puzzles. I picked him up a few 12 piece wooden jigsaw puzzles a few weeks ago thinking they would keep him occupied for a while. Well, he loved them and did amazingly well with them. We now have several 12 and 24 piece jigsaw puzzles for him that he thoroughly enjoys doing, but are way too easy for him. I'd like to find him something similar and puzzle-like that might be a bit more challenging for him. The puzzles are getting expensive since the cardboard ones are too frustrating for him since they don't snap in place like the wooden ones do. so I end up spending $8-$10 each for the wooden ones. I ordered a 48 piece puzzle, that should be a bit more difficult for him. But I'm looking for suggestions of other types of toys that a kid that loves puzzles might enjoy doing.

ideas for english portfolio? its for english 10. we are putting all of our assignments that we have written this year, poems, essays, etc. What i need help with is to come up with a theme. This theme has to show progression throughout the portfolio and it must all show change in you. here are some examples of what kids have done in the past... jigsaw puzzles...each section had part of a puzzle being done, "through the sands of time"-pictures of beaches. thanks a lot

ideas please please...its important for english? its for english 10. we are putting all of our assignments that we have written this year, poems, essays, etc. What i need help with is to come up with a theme. This theme has to show progression throughout the portfolio and it must all show change in you. here are some examples of what kids have done in the past... jigsaw puzzles...each section had part of a puzzle being done, "through the sands of time"-pictures of beaches. thanks a lot

Help It's for an english project!! asap!!? its for english 10. we are putting all of our assignments that we have written this year, poems, essays, etc. What i need help with is to come up with a theme. This theme has to show progression throughout the portfolio and it must all show change in you. here are some examples of what kids have done in the past... jigsaw puzzles...each section had part of a puzzle being done, "through the sands of time"-pictures of beaches. Thanks!!

What free website can teach me some basic French besides byki.com or livemocha.com? Title says it. I'm a kid from southern Tennessee, and I love the French language. I love how the words flow together perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle. Anyway, when I get older, I want to move to France or Northern Canada, so there's my two reasons I want to learn French. Thanks for any answers.

Christians? Have you ever wondered how science works? & whether God is more powerful than evolutionary theory? Here's just a rough sketch from what I can remember from my early years in college level biology and philosophy. Darwinian theory was the vital piece in the biological jigsaw puzzle. It was the driving force that unified so many disciplines of biology, like Mendelian genetics, population genetics, systematics, botany, zoology and modern molecular genetics and cell biology. These disciplines are now bound together by Darwinian theory... to yield what is called "the modern synthesis" or "Neo-Darwinism". In the late 1800s, Mendelian patterns of genetic inheritance were clearly observed and could be measured. It wasn't until the early 1900s that Mendel's work was revisited and properly connected with observations in population genetics. The modes of inheritance and observations in populations of vairous species was perfectly consistent with Darwin's theory of natural selection, which predicted such observations. But still no one knew what the units of inheritance were? UNTIL... The advent of modern molecular genetics in the middle of the last century which demonstrated the molecular basis of how the patterns of inheritance were observed and how chromosomes/DNA were the units of inheritance and the genetic material.... It all came together so elegantly... which one can only expect from genuine science and a robust scientific theory. You had two levels coming together nicely, the macro level (populations, morphology, diversity) and the micro level (cells, genes, DNA) The jigsaw puzzle was finally revealing the picture of biological reality and that picture was very elegant. Evolutionary theory itself was confirmed as well as playing the vital role of unifying all of the major disciplines of biology. The coherence between evolutionary theory and the disciplines was astounding...! All this came together in the mid 1900s!.... BUT THEN..... in the 1970s there was a new kid on the block called "SOCIOBIOLOGY"!!!!!! At this very moment as we speak, the modern, more nuanced version of socio-biology is "evolutionary-psychology" or more generally "philosophy of biology" or "evolutionary philosophy". This is one of the newest most exciting, cutting edge of the sciences around. It is further revealing the jigsaw puzzle picture of reality... and this time it is not just crude biological reality but also social/psychological reality. It's gonna be HUGE!!! This new science is massively unifying so many other disciplines like psychology, neuroscience, ethics, morality, behavior, history, intelligence, consciousness... and so on. The irony is that evolutionary theory is so powerful that it can explain plausibly why people are inclined to be creationists. It can explain why we have our moral intuitions, why we feel disposed to believe certain things and act in certain ways... evolutionary theory is the bridge or glue that brings together the life sciences and humanities/social science. The jigsaw puzzle is exponentially growing!!! Evolutionary theory is clearly the single most important, significant and profound theory of science. In my opinion it is on a par with, or if not, more significant than Newtonian mechanics, relativity and quantum theory, which are still looking for that glue to bind them together and complete the science of physics. In contrast, Biology has been MADE! Completed! Unified! "owned" by evolutionary theory. Without evolutionary theory all of biology would still be lame.... without any legs to stand on other than the crutches of religious thought and pseudoscience. Evolutionary theory is the grandest of grand unifying theories around because we have already seen how it is grandly unifying! and it still has more to come! We are social creatures made from flesh and bone... Evolutionary theory is the link between genes and memes! It is the bridge between meat and culture!... Evolutionary theory cannot be any more emphatic when it comes to making god redundant. Thus when it comes to explaining the living universe it is therefore indeed more powerful than any gap-filler god that has been invoked throughout human existence. That is the all-powerful nature of science folks! Funny how a theist claims that this or that is just a theory and that theories can be right or wrong!!!...And that one should keep an open mind!!! It's a pity that some have declared their belief in god to be true and closed off any possibility that they might be wrong.

what are your earliest fondest happiest memories of air travel ? so try to remember as far back as you men and women can, of when you first boarded a passenger jet - hopefully with family lol also do you recall how old you were when u first flew by air ? do you remember the meal(s) you had and also, do you remember any of the 'games/toys' they provided for your amusement ??? was it a story book ? them sketch pad things with that plastic inkless pen (dont know what those things are called), those little plastic square/rectangular sliding jigsaw puzzle games ? a colouring book ? do they provide kids with these toys anymore on planes ? oooooo yeah - more memorable movie(s) you saw on a plane too - what flight were u on, where were you going ?

LGBT-Scary!!!! HELP!!? Do you think this is a scary story!! Clown Statue This girl was babysitting for some family friends one night, a little boy and a little girl. The parents had a fetish for clowns and had collected clowns from around the world for years, setting aside a room in the house just to put them on display. That night, the children were playing in this very room. Many of the clowns were just statues, and some were life-size, one in particular, was seated in a small child-like rocking chair. The babysitter started to feel more and more uneasy about this statue throughout the night. She felt as though the eyes were following her, whenever she moved around the room with the children. She decided to call the parents. "I'm so sorry to bother you", she said, "but I was wondering if I could move this clown that you have in the rocking chair, it’s starting to scare the kids and I." "What clown are you referring to? I don’t recall us having a clown fitting that description. Are you sure its sitting in the rocking chair?" the mother asked hurriedly. "Yes, I’m sure.” said the girl. "It’s sitting right here, I’m looking at it right now...Why? I know it's probably very old and I shouldn't attempt to move it out of the way, but." "Take the kids and get out of the house, now. The neighbor across the street will let you in. Call me immediately when you get there." and with that, the mother hung up. Jigsaw Mystery There was an old lady who lived on her own in a very foggy part of Dartmoor. She had lived alone for fifteen years, ever since her husband had died in a mysterious car accident. However, the car accidenet is not my present purpose on which to dwell. You see, this old lady had a passion for jigsaw puzzles, it probably came with the stigma of being alone for she had no family or friends and lived in a very secluded spot. Every night she would sit at her dining room table and work on her current jigsaw puzzle until it was finished, then she would start a new one. However, there came a night, a rugged, windy, stormy winter night when she ran out of jigsaw puzzles. She was extremely upset as she had nothing else to do (this was in the days before TV and her radio had no signal in so removed a place). She was just thinking of going up to bed earlier than usual when she heard a thud, as if something had fallen onto the mat from the mail flap. Intrigued, the old lady hobbled downstairs to find a rectangular parcel had been put through the door and now lay, invitingly, on the mat. She picked it up, carried it upstairs to her dining table and opened it to reveal a new jigsaw puzzle! It had no picture of what it made up on the front but the old lady didn't care. Neither did she care who had sent it, she was just so happy to have another puzzle to do. It took her about an hour to complete it but as she began the get the entire picture her consternation grew for she saw that the picture being made up was that of the very room in which she now sat. Then, she gasped, for she realised that the woman sitting at the table in the picture with her back to the window was a picture of her!!! Her fingers tremeled as she placed the last four pieces of the puzzle to reveal a picture of a crazed madman at the window staring into the room, holding an axe! The last thing that old lady ever heard was the sound of breaking glass... which one is scarier.. i have to chose a scary story to tell my class for a project. Thnx

What is a good $5 present for a 10-year-old boy? I have to get Chanukah presents for the kids I babysit (yeah, I'm late, but I'm a Christmas person so I shop on my schedule lol). The only thing is, I have NO IDEA what to get the boy. His sisters are getting jewelry or maybe a stuffed animal for the little one and all together they're getting a game. He's ten years old. He's really into sports, but has all the equipment he needs. He's really smart and likes strategy games/puzzles (but not jigsaw puzzles). He's not into legos or video games or garbage like Pokemon. I don't really want to get him a game because I'm already giving the kids one as a group. I don't think I've ever seen him read. He plays piano and trombone and he likes trivia and all kinds of "did you know" or "what if" questions. What can 5 bucks buy? Jewelry and stuffed animals. So I need an equivalent for a boy. If you don't have an answer, don't waste my time. Thanks to everyone who gave me a real answer!

Where can i find ? When my kids were young they used to have a " Times Table Jigsaw puzzle" to help their maths. I have looked everywhere for one for my grandchildren, E bay, Amazon, puzzle companies ect Anybody out there know where i can get one? Thaks for that DON!!!! so informative, or is it all about the points??? Caine, you are an absolute star !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this ones in the bag!!!LOL

Is this normal toddler behavior? Please help!? OK, so my son is 23 months, makes great eye contact, social, speaks, understands everything and points, waves, claps... etc Question, I worried tonight because I saw an odd behavior that I'd never seen before. He is great at doing jigsaw puzzles and he was doing one. He definitely was exhausted because we'd been playing at a kid's play place all evening, but I am not sure this is normal. He picked up a jigsaw puzzle peice (a fire truck) and held it for over 15 minutes just holding it, staring at it as if obsessing with it. He walked around with it... held it...Wouldn't pay attention to anything else either. When I finally took it away, he was soooooooooo upset... crying etc. IS THIS NORMAL or obsessive behavior? I worry about autism. I just heard that obsession can be a sign. Was this because he was tired? Please help! 28 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Details also, wanted to let you guys know that he was not just sitting there starring at the peice, he was walking around with it while looking at it. He did pass out right after this. Was he jsut tired? GEE THANKS A LOT FOR FREAKING ME OUT!! I am in tears.

Is this normal toddler behavior? Please answer!!? OK, so my son is 23 months, makes great eye contact, social, speaks, understands everything and points, waves, claps... etc Question, I worried tonight because I saw an odd behavior that I'd never seen before. He is great at doing jigsaw puzzles and he was doing one. He definitely was exhausted because we'd been playing at a kid's play place all evening, but I am not sure this is normal. He picked up a jigsaw puzzle peice (a fire truck) and held it for over 15 minutes just holding it, staring at it as if obsessing with it. He would not drop it. Wouldn't pay attention to anything else either. When I finally took it away, he was soooooooooo upset... crying etc. IS THIS NORMAL or obsessive behavior? I worry about autism. I just heard that obsession can be a sign. Was this because he was tired? Please help! also, wanted to let you guys know that he was not just sitting there starring at the peice, he was walking around with it while looking at it.

really cool jokes (:? A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started. " Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box. ----------------------------------------------- A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 25." ------------------------------------------------------------ A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Do you give out jobs to people you do not know? 1.) A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW." 2.) A girl calls her boy friend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. He gets there and she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all sweetheart, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." "Second, you just need to relax . . . .have a glass of wine.......and help me put these Frosted Flakes back in the box." 3.) A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing." Give me a push……….

RE: do you wanna know a secret(for thoes of you who wanted more ^-~)? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? _____________________________ I'm the type of girl, who can watch tons of horror movies without getting scared. But screams at the top of my lungs when the waffle pops out of the toaster. (hahaha thats sadly so true XD) ________________________________________ A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." _______________________________________ If 4 out of 5 people "suffer" from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? ________________ Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids?." ___________________________ WOMAN'S POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a s**t. ________________________________ A blonde just texted me and asked, "What does idk mean?". I said I don't know and she said omg nobody knows. ____________________________________________ Three moms, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, went out to lunch and were talking about their daughters. The brunette mom said "I found a beer can in my daughters bedroom, i think shes drinking." The redhead said, "I found a needle in my daughters bedroom, I think she doing drugs" The blonde said, "I found a condom in my daughters bedroom, I think she has a penis" (0_0'') __________________ When people ask "What 3 things would you take with you on a desert island", why doesn't anyone say a boat? __________________________________ 9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor! 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here??? again if yuo guys want more please ask ^-~

nice jokes? The President's Puzzle Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. "Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. "How long did it take you?" "Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!" New Improved Lawnmowers One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can''t afford a thing to eat." So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house." The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." The layer said, "You''re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

are these funny jokes? There is three kids. there names are shut-up, manners, and trouble. They were in the woods and trouble gets lost. Shut up goes to the service station, and the service man asks what his name was. he said "shut up". the service man said " no really what is your name". He says "shut up". the service man asks where his manners were, and Shut up said outside. the service man asks if he was looking for trouble and shut up said "why yes i am". there is more to it, but i didnt feel like typing it all. A blonde waks into the library and asks the librarian for a hamburger and fries. and the librarian told the blonde that this was a library. the blonde whispers to the librarian " can i have a hamburger and fries." Blonde joke- January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!!

are this lot funny or not a simple yes or no Why didn't the skeleton kid want to go to school? Because his heart wasn't in it Why do dogs scratch themselves? Because they are the only ones who know where it itches. Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside. Why do we say "amen" and not "awomen?" Because we sing "hymns," not "hers." Why do you always find something in the last place you look Because when you find it, you stop looking. Why does a dog wag his tail? Because no one else will wag it for him. Why is a poor friend better than a rich one? Because a friend in need is a friend indeed. Why is it interesting to study mummies? Because you can get so wrapped up in them. Why is the world like a faulty jigsaw puzzle? Because a peace (piece) is missing. With what vegetable do you throw away the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, and throw away the inside? Corn on the cob. Would you rather an elephant attacked you or a gorilla? I'd rather he attacked the gorilla.

This epically sucks. Maybe you can help? So I've liked this guy, *Josh*, for like forever since school started. I didn't actually talk to him, though, until winter break. We texted a lot. He was really nice and sweet. Not that jerk or player that everyone says he is. So when we got back from winter break, Josh's friend told my cousin that Josh likes me, that he thinks I'm cute. And then she tells me and I freak. And then she's like "text him!" So I did. And we talked like crazy for a week. We were eventually going to meet up at the movies this past Saturday to finally meet (even though I know who he is and he knows who I am) Long story short, my mother threw a fit over me leaving the house in this "horrid weather" and she didn't let me go. Sucks, right? So I text Josh and apologize and he's like "it's cool" but I still feel bad so my cousin sleeps over to cheer me up and whatnot. Then the next morning she's like "i didn't want to tell you anything but i was talking to *Dillan* yesterday (one of Josh's friends) and he told me he was with Josh at the movies and Josh had just got there and he was already making out with some chick" and i'm like wtf?! Because a) i thought he liked me... b) i can't believe it!, and c) i'm shocked. We haven't texted since Saturday which is just a couple of days, but it feels like forever cause I don't know what to say or what to think. He seemed so nice like I just can't believe that. I've seen him here and there at school but I've been purposely avoiding him because I have no clue whether to say hi and wave or text him again. I don't know, he has my number, he could text me, he could say hi to me when he sees me (because he does, ALL THE TIME). Then again, he's the type of guy that if you want something to happen, you've got to start it. Plus, he's super shy even though he's super popular. Oh, AND even though we've known about each other forever, we haven't really met in person. I find it pathetic how we can text all the time and he doesn't even say hi to me in school, he just stares right at me. So hell, I stare at him too! I need to really crack this kid. I'm trying to figure him out here but he's like an effing jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. You see my dilemma? What should i do?!?!?!?!?! And give me icebreakers. Seriously! I suck at conversation

Need medical advice for a story? Writing a story and there are three boys, all aged between 5-7, that are dead and my character is looking into their deaths as she is looking for a brother and they might have been related to this person. Anyways, one boy died of pneumonia brought on by alcohol poisoning (yes at that age), but the other two I am not too sure about. The symptoms prior to death, in both cases (it doesn’t have to be all symptoms and there can be others but nothing too dramatic) were vomiting, vomiting blood at one point, high fever, low sats, eventually respiratory failure, heart rhythm all over the place and eventually the body gives up and cardiac arrest. I am thinking maybe leukaemia for one boy, he gets an infection, his body shuts down. Would those symptoms be right? And the other, I was thinking about something I saw on TV where a kid got an infection to the heart, it was a long mystery illness that the docs couldn’t figure out, the kid was strapped up to machines to help him breath and things. But I am not sure. Anyone got better ideas? This is not a major part of the story, just a small piece in the large jigsaw puzzle. Thanks in advanced for any answers.

Did a cancer operation give my aunt dementia? Is this malpractice or something? PLEASE HELP? My great aunt is 82 and she had a big cancerous lump in her jaw. She went to the hospital and got it cut out last week. In the process, they had to cut a nerve in her neck, so the left half of her face is paralysed (not sure if this has anything to do with it?). Before the operation, my aunt was perfectly sane, apart from she was suffering from depression after her husband's death last year, which she took Prozac for. Now, though, she suddenly has bad dementia. As soon as she woke up after the operation she was freaking out, saying all her children had died in a car accident (all of them are alive and well). For the last week she's been greiving for them, even though all her kids have visited her in hospital and tried to talk to her. She can't be upset about her face because she hasn't seen it yet. She's refusing (or just unable, we don't know) to eat or drink, so she's on a drip. A lot of the stuff she says doesn't make any sense, and she's no longer capable of doing jigsaws or crossword puzzles (which she was great at just ONE WEEK ago). The doctors are convinced it's dementia, and that she had it before the operation. They're accusing my gran, her sister, of neglecting her. But before the operation, evaluations both in hospital and also for an old people's home that PROVED she didn't have the slightest bit of dementia before last week. Now the doctors say she has quite advanced dementia, and it's not just shock from the operation or morphine. Could the surgery have caused her dementia? Is this the doctors' fault, or is it just a mystery? Please help, thank you

Is this normal toddler behavior? Please help!? OK, so my son is 23 months, makes great eye contact, social, speaks, understands everything and points, waves, claps... etc Question, I worried tonight because I saw an odd behavior that I'd never seen before. He is great at doing jigsaw puzzles and he was doing one. He definitely was exhausted because we'd been playing at a kid's play place all evening, but I am not sure this is normal. He picked up a jigsaw puzzle peice (a fire truck) and held it for over 15 minutes just holding it, staring at it as if obsessing with it. He would not drop it. Wouldn't pay attention to anything else either. When I finally took it away, he was soooooooooo upset... crying etc. IS THIS NORMAL or obsessive behavior? I worry about autism. I just heard that obsession can be a sign. Was this because he was tired? Please help! also, wanted to let you guys know that he was not just sitting there starring at the peice, he was walking around with it while looking at it.

Can anyone tell me the best place to buy kid's (4yrs. old)bible jigsaw puzzles? I've looked on ebay and amazon-neither one has many at all. I was hoping someone may know a place online pretty cheap to buy them.

Sarah Palin Kid jigsaw puzzle......? I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but I just have too many unanswered questions regarding the Sarah Palin Kid Jigsaw Puzzle. We know her 17 yr old is 5 months pregnant.... We know there is an infant (mentally handicapped) about 4-6 months... We know she also has a 16 yr old daughter..... I'm not trying to be a D*ck, I just want to know if anyone can confirm that the infant is not in fact her 16 yr old daughter's. All the family pics of Palin's family have been removed from the Alaskan Gov's website. I have also been unsuccessful finding a pic of Palin herself pregnant in the past 6-9 months. date-proven I feel this is serious enough, that if we've been lied to again, that we, the American People, have the Right to know. Seems to me there should be non-friendly co-workers who saw Palin Preggers from Sept '07 to Feb '08 There also should be hospital records Anybody out there???

Are you any good at Jigsaw puzzles,? Now or when you were a kid, xx

Where is this movie scene from: kid flips over a completed jigsaw puzzle of a collage of icecream? Plz help!?

How do you say this paragraph in Spanish? "When I was little, I enjoyed playing with toys, watching movies, riding my bike, playing with kids from my neighborhood and my school, swimming, eating, and learning how to use the computer. I attended pre school when I was five and I enjoyed learning very much. I had a very loving family and I enjoyed spending as much time as I could with them. Another hobby of mine was to solve jigsaw puzzles. I also enjoyed playing checkers with my father. I loved my childhood!"

DIY Jigsaw Birthday Present? We're in a delemia here My little sister recieved an invite to a birthday party from one of the girls in her glass- they are in kindegarten btw. The theme of the party is a jigsaw party- the invites were an actual jigsaw that you had to complete in order to read the invite- which wa pretty cool... BUT what kind of present do we give this kid haha- its a girl btw. She is a pretty smart switched on kid too. I dont wanna just buy her a jigsaw becuase im assuming that thats what most people will do. Has anyone seen those Bottle Puzzles? The ones where you have to unlock the puzzle in order to drink the wine or beer. I was thinking of making something like that inorder to get into her present- which will be something puzzley... PLEASE HELP! Thanks Bill D- have talked to a few of the folks of kids that are invited and about 5 people have already decided on doing something along those lines. Great idea tho!! thanks!!

Were You A Child of The 80s? From this list pick your top 10 favorite toys.... Atari Baby Alive Balsa Wood Rubber Band Airplanes Barbie Barrel O' Monkeys Bicycle Battleship BB guns Big Wheel / The Green Machine Cabbage Patch Kids Candyland Care Bears Chutes & Ladders Clue Colorforms Connect Four Crayola Crayons Dominoes Easy-Bake Oven Erector Set Etch A Sketch Frisbee G.I. Joe Gameboy Green plastic army men Gumby He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Hula Hoop Hungry Hungry Hippos Jem and the Holograms Jigsaw Puzzles Jump Rope Ker Plunk LEGO Life Lincoln Logs Lionel Trains Lite Brite Little Golden Books Madlibs Magic 8 Ball Matchbox Cars Memory Micro Machines Monopoly MouseTrap Mr. Potato Head My Buddy My Little Pony Nerf Nintendo Operation Ouija Board Pictionary Play Doh Pong Pound Puppies Radio Flyer Raggedy Ann & Andy Rainbow Bright Remote Control Cars Rock'em Sock'em Robots Roller Skates Rubik's Cube Scrabble Sea Monkeys See 'n Say See 'n Say Shrinky Dinks Silly Putty Slime Slinky Slip 'n Slide Smurfs Snoopy Snow Cone Machine Speak and Spell Spirograph Star Wars action figures Stickers Strawberry Shortcake Stretch Armstrong Tea Sets Teddy Bears Teddy Ruxpin Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Thumbalina doll Tinker Toys Tonka Trucks Transformers Trivial Pursuit Trolls Twister Uno Viewmaster Walkie Talkies Water Guns Wiffle Ball and Bat Weebles Wooly Willy Wrestling action figures Yo-Yos

Football.................... kinda a long one.....? Alex Ferguson calls Beckham into his office. 'David', he says, 'I need to talk to you about your performance against Leeds the other night, you were blo*dy hopeless, completely off form.' 'Sorry boss', says David. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.' 'Oh dear' says Fergie, 'Whats up? posh & the kids Ok?' 'Oh, they're fine, it's just that something is really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my football and it's really messing me head up.' 'Whatever's the matter?' says fergie 'Well boss, It's pretty serious. Victoria bought this jigsaw puzzle the other day and.........' 'A JIGSAW??' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing sh*t because of a blo*dy jigsaw?' 'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing me head in!' says David, 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a Tiger and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure i've got all the bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing my head in and, and.........' 'David, David, David' says Fergie, 'You better get a grip son and quick.' 'Ok boss, but.............It's this picture of a Tiger and it looks really easy on the box and i'm sure i've got all the bits and everything but I can't do it and it's doing my head in and.......and....it's a Tiger and it looks easy but it's really hard and er, it's a Tiger and everything, er... on the box...er.....sorry boss.' 'Ok, Ok' says Sir Alex, 'bring in the blo*dy jigsaw and let's have a look shall we. It can't be that difficult'. 'Thanks boss.' says David. So Becks brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Fergies office. 'Here it is boss' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box, 'look boss, it's a Tiger right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard and its doing my head in and everything..' Becks empties all the pieces from the box all over Fergies desk. Sir Alex looks at whats on the desk, looks up with his head in his hands and says to Beckham........ 'Put the Frosties back in the box David'............

Can anyone help with a CSI: Miami episode? Well, awhile ago, I was watching CSI Miami. I was watching a episode but missed the first half. I forgot what the episode was called so I can watch it again. I'll tell you what happened. In the episode, they were trying to find a pedophile. He works at this kids place and lures them to him with blue cotton candy. He cuts his skin where the fingerprints are so if anybody finds a fingerprint, its all mixed up. They do find a fingerprint of his and prints out a picture of it. then, they cut it and put it together to a real fingerprint like a jigsaw puzzle. The CSI find girls buried in his front lawn. They also find tapes and toys inside the house. In the end, they catch him buying blue cotton candy. I think his name was Duncan? I'm not sure Please help me find this episode!

Please help me find a childrens story is called? the story i read years ago, it is about a group of poeple, school kids adn a teahcer ect, who run away who take a ship resturant, calle the Saucy Sauage(i think) and sail to the Thousand islands, where they have a series of adventures, trying to find a lost peron and a lost work of art called the Noah's Ark tapestry. There is a jigsaw puzzle with missign pieces and an iseland called Dessert island. Please help

Hi!Funny or no? 24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator... 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!" 11. Meow occasionally. 12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 17. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on. People Really Said These Things In Court Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: How old is your son - the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. The Blonde & The Coke Machine It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in. And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!" Poor Old Man This old man goes to the doctor's. "Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long." "So what's the problem?" "I can't remember where I live." Blonde in a Car A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?'' ''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.'' A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car. Daughter's Prayer A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said. Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!" Your Family Is So Poor Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!” Tooth Pulling A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear." Grass Eater A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!" You''re So Ugly You''re so ugly, when yo'' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering! Pinocchio and Splinters One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem. "Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?" "Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it. "Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your "Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?" Clinton, Bush, and Washington... Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic. As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!'' George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!'' And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?'' Not Going To Try This Again A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. Mini Meanie The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is." Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?" Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is." Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?" Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit." The Deacon and the Preacher There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend. When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?'' The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died. At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.'' The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!'' Too Smart A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Bubble gum" Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off. The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole. Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole. The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one. Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!" Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ... So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket! This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ... But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ... A blonde girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?" "Yes dear it does." The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?" "Yes dear it does." The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?" "No dear it's because you are 25." A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid. Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom. The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?" Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." and the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home ~~~~ Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years" Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C". Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. A Blonde's Year in Review January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...Helllloooo!!!... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March: Got really excited - finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... Box said "2-4 years!" April: Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out!!! May: Tried to make Kool-Aid... wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June: Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July: Lost breast stroke swimming competition... Learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August: Got locked out of my car in rain storm... Car swamped because soft-top was o pen. September: The capital of California is "C"... isn't it? October: I hate M &M's... They are so hard to peel. November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... Instructions said one hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December: Couldn't call 911... "duh" ... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone! Star if u like them!!!!

Funny Jokes!!!!!!? How do you make oil boil?? You add a "b" -------------------------------------------------- Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.. --------------------------------------------- Why are black people tall? because their negros (knee grows). ------------------------------------------------------------ guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............." ------------------------------------------------------------------- Garden of Eden Story: Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like that cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history. --------------------------------------------------------- Last in Line: A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Heaven. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. By the time there are only ten people left, this one guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off. Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again." So, the next time you are last in line.......smile! ------------------------------------------------------- A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday' -------------------------------------------------------------------- NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE: A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you." -------------------------------------------------------------- HOW FAR Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo…….. can you see Florida...?????" ----------------------------------------------------------------- CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- Ok there was this blonde. she was minding here own business, just walking along. When she saw it......... A pure white steed...... With a Golden saddle and accessories.... Well the blonde had never ridden a horse before, and there was absolutely NO one to tell her that she couldn't...... "what the heck " she thought to her self, "I have always wanted to ride a horse before..." So not easily, she some how got her self into position. "Hey this isn't so bad" she thought But then something went terribly terribly wrong..... The horse started bucking.... Flinging the poor blond her hair got into here eyes and she couldn't see a thing... one of her feet came out of the stirrup! (She started screaming!!! For the horse to stop!! But it kept barreling on. She saw her life flash before her eyes..... Her head stated bobbing and hitting the hard hard ground.... just then When she thought that her Life was at its end, when she thought her lif was DOOMED The secuirity guard at wall-mart pulled the plug of the horse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll Down. ---> <----- Scroll Up. ---------------------------------------------------- Q: Why did the Blonde have square boobs? A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box. ------------------------------------------------------------------ A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" ------------------------------------------------------ Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes? A. Because the blondes are out with all the men, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights. -------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around! ------------------------------------------------- Two blondes decide they want to go on a mission to the sun. So, they go to NASA?They go to NASA. They tell NASA that they need to borrow a space shuttle because they are going on a mission to the sun. The NASA guy says "you can't go on a mission to the sun, you'll burn up." The blondes reply "Duh, that's why we're going at night. _____________________________________________________________________ A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains. She finally picks out a pink floral pattern. The salesman asks, "What size do you need?" She says, "15 inch." He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?" She says, "It's not for a room, it's for my computer monitor." The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not need curtains." The blonde says, "HELLOOOOO... I've got Windows!!" --------------------------------------------- Men are like….Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like ….Vacations. They never seem long enough. Men are like….Bank machines.Once they withdraw they lose interest. Men are like ….Weather. Nothing can be done about either one of them. Men are like….Blenders. You need one but your not quite sure why. Men are like….Cement. After getting laid, they take along time to get hard. Men are like….Chocolate Bars. Sweet,smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. Men are like….Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long. Men are like….Commercials. You can’t believe a word they say. Men are like….Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off. Men are like….Government Bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like….Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. Men are like….Lawn Mowers. If your not pushing one around, you’re riding it. Men are like….Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like….Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like ….Snowstorms. You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long he will last. ------------------------------------ OKay a blonde in the doctors office and. So the blonde says"doctor doctor i just hurt myself and all my bones are broken see" the blonde touches her leg, "ouch" she touchees her chin "ouch" then she touches her leg "ouch i told you" so the doctor says he'll do an x-ray watever and he comes back and says" i have good news and bad news" the blonde says" Good news" then the doctor says"well the good news is every bone in your body isn't broken, but the bad news is your fingers broken" __________________________________________________ * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home *Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. *Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years" *Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. *When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C". *Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. *After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. _____________________________________________________________ Joke Dictionary Gentleman: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. Gentleman: A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up Houswork: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it Mistress: Somthing between a mister and a mattress Megaherts: Hurts real bad! Chicken: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead _______________________________________________________ What's the best way to force a man to do sit?ups? Put the remote control between his toes. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice. Why did God create man before woman? Because you need a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men. ---------------------------------------- A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young student nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young student replies, "I don't know I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again to ask,"Nurse are my testicles black?" Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look and says,"There is nothing wrong with them." Fnally the mans pulls off his oxygen mask and replies "That as very nice but, I asked ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?" ----------------------------------------- Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?" The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?" The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel." -------------------------------

would you judge me because of my hair and looks? ok, i know i'm blonde. but i'm getting tired of people judging me just because i am. i'm the smartest kid in my classes and if you put an electronic or mechanical thing in front of me i can fix it or put it together. i love puzzles (math, word, jigsaw, etc.) now around my friends (who know i'm smart) i act goofy like any kid would. but i could've skipped three grades because i passed a certain test. yet they said (literally) that i couldn't because i was a girl and blonde, and they acused me of cheating. i don't even have a photograpic memory or anything. i just don't get it. why do people think all blondes are stupid. and in case you're wondering. yes, i am a natural blonde. i can't dye my hair because my mom won't even let me get highlights, let alone my whole head.

poem ,do you like love poems ! i hope this is a nice one ,if not just tell me Yuck:)? In my eyes there are you In my heart there are you In my vision there is no one but you Why? Whenever I roam I see you Why you are the full dream Framed legend And missed puzzle In my jigsaw When I open my eyes in the morning As I see the the horizon You flick like a star in my night And everyday since I left you Is nothing But an endless night Its silly But true That I never got over you But what can I simply do When youre there God may bless the sheet that covers you And the bed Ground and the house Wife and kids Blessings till you die Hope its after me I hear your death After I m buried Curled into me And silence is the answer Always to the people like me

Blonde Jokes? A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken." 3 construction guys were working on a skyscraper, up on the 40th floor. At lunch, the bald guy said "Every day my wife packs me a tuna sandwich. If there's tuna again today, I'm gonna jump off this building!". He checks it & sure enough it's tuna again so old baldy jumps. The redhead then says "Every day I get a cheese sandwich for lunch from my wife. If it's cheese again today then I'm jumping off here, too!". Sure enough, it's cheese so the redheaded guy jumps off. Then the blond guy says "I always get a jelly sandwich. If it's jelly again then I'm jumping, too!". He checks & it's jelly so he jumps. At the memorial service for the 3 guys, their wives are talking about this. Both the bald guy's wife & the redhead's wife said the same thing, "I don't understand why my husband jumped. If I had know he wanted something else to eat for lunch, I'd have gave it to him.". Then the blond man's wife says " I don't understand why my husband jumped. He always made his own lunch.". A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked The police woman replied "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finially found a square mirror in her purse , looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. "Here it is " she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop." Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking....... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????" A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." A blonde went to electronics store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?" "Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. He looks at them and says "OK" and pours their shots. They all clink glasses and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell “Only 51 days!" The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by Only 51 days. One of the blondes looks at him and says "Well," looking very smug. "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us Only 51 Days . . . . . and on the box it said 4-7 years" Julie the blonde was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handywoman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, uh, how much do you want?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks OK?" Julie asked. "Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Two blonds are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hum, this person looks familiar." The second blond says, "Here let me see." So the first blond hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy it's me." A blonde, brunette and redhead stranded on a deserted island. They look for hours for a ship coming by, and finally one does. The brunette decides to swim out, gets tired a little bit out and drowns. The redhead swims out next, gets furthur, but then gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims halfway, gets tired, and swims back to the island A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her." A blonde goes to a library and walks up to the man at the front desk. "Hi," she says,"I'd like a burger fries and a coke." The man looks at her," Ma'am, this is a library." "Oh, sorry," she answers, *whispering* "I'd like a burger fries and a coke." A blonde walks angrily to the front desk in the library, and says “This book is boring, it has no plot, and too many characters.” The libraian said “Oh, so you‘re the one who took our phone book…..” One day a blonde and a brunette were watching the 6:00 evening news. On the news was a boy at the top of a building getting ready to jump. The blonde says out loud "I don't think he will jump." The brunette responds by saying "I'll bet you $5 he will jump." "Well I bet you $50 he won't jump," the blonde retorts. "You're on!!" says the brunette. After some time the boy finally jumps. The blonde pays up. As the brunette is walking out the door she turns around and says "I can't take this money from you. I saw the whole thing on the 5:00 evening news." The blonde says "So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again." The Great Blonde Kidnap A blonde was in urgent need of cash. In order to raise some money, she decided the only way was to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I have kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $100,000 in a paper bag and put it under the tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.” The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $100,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?” There were 11 blondes and one brunette on a rope climbing up a mountain. They had nothing to hold them to the rope. The rope began slipping and breaking. The brunette said, ''Girls, I'm going to let go of the rope, since it can't hold all of us. Your lives are more important to me. There are also many more of you..." and she made a big speech about how special they were. At the end, all of the blondes started clapping. Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.” A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!'' Three women, a blond, brunette, and a redhead were robbing a 711 at night when the police arrived. They ran next door to a farm. The brunette hid under a wagon, the redhead hid in a cabinet, and the blond hid in a pile of hay. The policeman kicked the wagon, and the brunette said “Woof woof”. The policeman thought it was just a dog. When the policeman kicked the cabinet, the redhead said “Meow meow,” and the policeman thought it was just a cat. Then the policeman kicked the pile of hay. Not wanting to get caught, the blond said “Potato potato!”. There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth." This blonde, brunette and a redhead are escaping from jail. The redhead jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells "Who's out there?" The redhead says "meow""Oh it's just a cat" The brunette jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells "who's out there? The brunette says "meow." "Oh it's just that darn cat, get lost you stupid thing." Then the blonde jumps over and lands with a THUMP. "Who's out there?" "The blonde yells "It's just that darn cat". A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail! There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?" queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?" A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again. "There are no fish under the ice!!" Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?" The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!" The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers." Star if your laughed! Star if you laughed!

Where is a good place to find jigsaw puzzles for kids? Preferably around 100 pieces and either for boys or gender neutral.